There Was Something About Mary

My friend Mary died of colon cancer Monday. I met Mary 5 years ago when we trained to be volunteer facilitators at Friends Way, a local children’s bereavement center. That first impression of Mary proved to be indicative of who she really was. Mary was soft-spoken, kind, nurturing, and supportive. No surprise that she was a school nurse. No surprise she was from upstate New York, either. I knew that accent anywhere, having attended college at SUNY@Buffalo. Turns out we were alumni.

Mary played a role in supporting me and my family when I was diagnosed with leukemia. As a school nurse at the middle school, she informed my youngest son’s teachers about my illness, and let him know that if he needed to talk, she was always available. She also called the high school guidance department to have them spread the word to my older kids’ teachers. Mary visited me during my long month in the hospital, a time that was and still is a blur to me. After my relapse, Mary was there for me again, cooking food for my family and sending a bag of goodies to the hospital where another month of my life was lost.

Mary was diagnosed with colon cancer about a year ago. Due to my own health challenges, I’d not spoken to her in a long time. A mutual friend updated me from time to time about how Mary was doing. Mary did not want to burden others with her illness, a sentiment I completely understand.

I went to Mary’s memorial service yesterday along with my youngest son, who's friends with Mary's son. The standing room only crowd heard loving tributes from family members and friends. It was sad but comforting to hear the person you knew described over and over as well, the person you knew, too. Someone quoted Abraham Lincoln: it’s not the years in your life that count, but the life in your years. From that perspective, Mary had a long rich life. I’m richer having known her.