My Swiss Bank Account

A Swiss bank is about to do the unthinkable: release the names of American's who've stashed money there to avoid paying taxes. Is nothing sacred? The tax man can't wait to get his paws on that pile of back taxes, estimated at $300 million a year, plus penalties and interest. This is only one bank. Imagine the tax money that could be collected from offshore banking accounts worldwide. What's a wealthy person to do?

I can afford to be smug. Not only do I not have any money squirreled away in foreign accounts, I haven't any in on-shore accounts either. Sure, I have my rapidly dwindling home equity line, and several IRA/529 accounts from which I was planning to fund my kids' education and my retirement, but these have mostly been eviscerated in the market crash. My daughter earned a whopping $1400 in 2008, but because she cashed in $3200 worth of shares from a Fidelity account we created to help pay for her education, she owes $3 in capital gains taxes.

I'll be fine. Really. But where will these poor billionaires shelter their cash now that the offshore banking world is coming unhinged? Egads, they might even have to start paying employment taxes on their staffs, too. This is a sad day for rich folks.

My own Swiss bank account has nothing in it but chocolate and cheese. I'm pretty sure I paid import taxes on them, folded into the price. What a dope I was, playing by the rules, actually paying my share of taxes to my country all these years like a good citizen. I'm so thankful capital gains taxes were lowered years ago. Gosh, my daughter might have owed $6 on her windfall profits. What a fool I was not to shelter that money off shore.

Maybe the meek (read: poor law-abiding saps) shall inherit the earth after all. At least we won't be outed, and although we haven't kept our cash, we've kept our good names.

I need some chocolate.